It’s Resolutionary!

By Wyatt Earp | January 3, 2009

2009 is upon us, and with the new year comes a new opportunity to poke fun at the famous and infamous. Luckily for us, there is quite a target rich environment out there, and they are all trying to better themselves with new Year’s resolutions. That is my topic for this week’s Family Security Matters article.

Here’s a sample:

Well, the New Year is already up and running, so that means it is time for everyone to start meeting (and ultimately failing) their New Year’s resolutions. For most Americans, New Year’s resolutions are usually made in an effort to better themselves. Folks want to try and lose a few extra holiday pounds, they want to give up smoking or drinking, and some industrious souls even give up watching television in an attempt to rid themselves of Billy Mays and that annoying “ShamWow” guy.

Like most “regular” Americans, the famous and infamous also partake in this January 1st tradition. Of course, their resolutions are more selfless and important – at least in their eyes. Here are a few of their ideas for 2009, recently revealed by secret hobo sources.

Hamas is not exactly starting the New Year off with a bang. Well, actually it is starting it off with many, many loud bangs – courtesy of the Israeli Defense Forces – but not in a good way. This puts a real crimp in its New Year’s resolution, which was to become a terrorist superpower. Hamas was really getting tired of playing second fiddle to al Qaeda, so, like Emeril Lagasse; it decided to “kick it up a notch.” The result? BAM! Israel once again put it in its place.

Well, it’s not all bad for Hamas. Resident American moonbat Cynthia McKinney was en route to their positions with “relief,” until the Israeli navy turned her boat around. McKinney obviously didn’t see the “No Crazy Chicks” sign at the Israeli border.

You can read the rest of the insanity HERE.

Topics: FSM | 2 Comments »