Oprah Winfrey: Fat Bastard
By Wyatt Earp | December 9, 2008
It appears that Oprah has fallen off the diet wagon.
The resulting shock wave killed 32 people, and has left the South Side of Chicago in ruins.
When it comes to her weight, Oprah Winfrey has always been straightforward.
The talk show queen continues the honesty, saying in the January issue of “O” magazine out Tuesday that she now weighs 200 pounds and has “fallen off the wagon” when it comes to healthy living.
200 pounds??? Hell, she weighs more than me now!
“I’m mad at myself,” Winfrey writes in an article provided early to The Associated Press by Harpo Productions.
“I’m embarrassed,” she writes. “I can’t believe that after all these years, all the things I know how to do, I’m still talking about my weight. I look at my thinner self and think, `How did I let this happen again?’”
Ya know, if Oprah had only invited Sarah Palin on her show a few months ago, she could have given her some fitness advice. Ooo, sick burn!
In the piece, Winfrey, 54, details her recent struggles with an out-of-balance thyroid and how the condition made her develop “a fear of working out.” She says she’s added 40 pounds to her frame since she weighed 160 pounds in 2006.
Yeah Oprah, it’s your “thyroid.” It’s also the fact that you stuff Ho-Ho’s into your gullet every hour of every day. For cripes sake, there’s a new thing out called “cottage cheese!”
“Yes, you’re adding correctly; that means the dreaded 2-0-0,” Winfrey writes. “I was so frustrated I started eating whatever I wanted — and that’s never good.”
Among the things Oprah has been eating? Cookies, pies, and the city of Cleveland.
Winfrey also writes that her goal is no longer to be thin; instead, she wants to be strong, healthy and fit. (H/T – Yahoo!)
Well, at two bills, she should be strong enough. Maybe the Bears will give her a tryout at fullback? Heh.
Normally, I would be sympathetic to someone who is going through weight issues. After all, I used to be a fatty fat, fat fat. Unfortunately, the fact that I think Oprah is a phony C-word overrides any empathy I may otherwise feel.
Topics: Evil = Funny | 19 Comments »
“Normally, I would be sympathetic to someone who is going through weight issues. After all, I used to be a fatty fat, fat fat. Unfortunately, the fact that I think Oprah is a phony C-word overrides any empathy I may otherwise feel.”
Couldn’t agree more. Funny but we say Fatty, fat, fat, fat around here too.
p.s. I would love to have had a personal chef, personal trainer and the cash to go to cool places to hike/swim/exercise while trying to lose weight.
Mare – Yeah, it’s easy to get motivated when the trainer shows up at your house and works you into submission.
I didn’t care when she lost weight, don’t care now. Has never watched her show either.
no need to actually spell it out.
Which C-word would that be Wyatt? Conniver, Creepazoid, chithead(ok, so that isn’t really a C-word), corpulent crumpet? so many choices……….. and yes I’m pretty sure I know which one you mean
Why is it that whatever these celebrities do, they have to whine about it?
They whine if they’re fat.
They whine if they’re bored.
They whine if they’re too busy.
They whine if they have to dodge the press.
They whine if they’re not getting enough press.
They whine if they’re lonely.
They whine if they don’t have time to themselves.
WE DON’T CARE!
Oprah, do whatever you want.
Stuff your face with Twinky lasagne twice a day.
Fill your indoor pool with Skittles and have at it.
Give yourself Godiva hot chocolate enemas.
Just don’t call your publicist and have it blabbed to the world. We don’t care.
E.L. – Oh, sure. The C-word I meant was . . . “celebrity.” Now, I gotta run. See you next Tuesday! Heh.
Sig94 – Sorry, but I didn’t see anything after Twinkie lasagna. Mmm . . .
You know you want her.
Dude; It’s not the Ho-Ho’s, its the Ho, eating Ho-Ho’s. She is worth about a million a pound now.
I think she knows more about cottage cheese than most of us. There’s a ton of it hanging from her thighs.
She’s tons of fun right.
There’s enough there for everybody.
You have to roll her in flour to find the wet spot.
Developed a fear of exercise?
Ahem.
Allow this REAL thyroid sufferer explain something to Mssssssssssssssssss. Winfrey. (Doing my best Rush, there.)
I developed a fear of exercise, too. AFTER I GOT LEG SPASMS SO BAD THAT THEY WIPED OUT MY HAMSTRINGS AND I LOST THE USE OF MY LEGS (and had to walk with a cane for a year, and am now just strong enough to begin back at the gym).
I couldn’t wait to exercise again. Am I fatigued? Yes. Do I have some chronic pain issues at times? Yes. (Heck, I still only have partial feeling in my right calf muscle.) Do I have tendinitis in the Achilles area? Yep. Do I want to cry when my trainer is making do stuff that pushes me to the brink of real hurt? YES!
Guess what Oprie Winfrey…you can lose the weight. Get your thyroid under control via an endocrinologist, realize you can’t eat like normal people anymore, cut the foods that cause fluid retention, and suck it the eff up.
I’ve lost about 80 lbs in (+/-) in the past year and a half or so. I’ve actually amped up the weight loss recently.
If I can do it, she should be able to, as you all mentioned…she’s got money, trainers, and chefs.
Btw., the exercise actually makes me feel better. It helps all of the craptastic stuff a bad thyroid can muss up.
(Going to go get some duct tape, now.)
“Oprah? I remember her,” said Uncle Hant reflectively. “Looks like five hundred pounds of bear liver in a plastic bag?”
-from Fred Reed’s site, Fred on Everything
Doghouse – That’s it! You’re banned!
Admiral – That’s a nice dollar to pound ratio.
Assrot – Tell us what you really think.
RT – You have back trouble because the puppies are so big. Ha!
John D – Bear liver? Well done!
Always thought she was a witch with a capital C.
Uh…don’t think I mentioned my back. ;P”’
Chronic pain is in the legs…the tendinitis.
Note to self: Where even baggier shirts.
Yeah, I meant “wear,” but it is 4:15 a.m.
Actually, I think her Oprahness is one of those women who is not deemed to thin. It’s just not in her genes. But there’s no excuse for her to be fatty, fat, fat, fat especially when she has a personal chef, a personal trainer and KNOWS what to do to keep the weight off. Heck, I do – and I cook for and train myself.
Never been a chocolate man myself and I can’t abide listening to women bitch about problems they could fix if they wanted to. Isn’t she from Illinois where they just indulge? Last time I was there I ate ribs, brats, depp dish pizza and enough fat to put on 10 pounds. Didn’t get to take home any of thet corruption money however. Dang I hate it when that doesn’t happen. MUD
Oprah and Palin should be able to like or dislike whoever they want… too bad that’s pretty much impossible if they want to maintain their approval ratings
Marvin – No, that would be with a capital “B.”
RT – Go the frak to bed, woman!
Ky person – She’s a full-figured gal, but she could lose the weight is she really wanted to do so.
MUD – I hear there’s plenty of that going around, too. Shame.
Patrick – Strangely enough, they’re both politicians.
Dude…I was getting up, starting my day. (Going on the ‘puter wakes me up.)