Doubles Hiding Death Of Kim Jong-Il?
By Wyatt Earp | September 8, 2008
Herrooo!
Why do I have no problem believing this story?
Is Kim Jong-il for real? The question has baffled foreign intelligence agencies for years but now a veteran Japanese expert on North Korea says the “dear leader” is actually dead – and his role is played by a double.
Wow, how unattractive must you be to be considered for the Kim Jong-Il body double position?
The expert says Kim died of diabetes in 2003 and world leaders including Vladimir Putin of Russia and Hu Jintao of China have been negotiating with an impostor.
Knowing Putin, he was probably gloating about “getting over” on the dear leader. Hey numb nuts, you were just negotiating with a Wal-Mart clerk!
He believes that Kim, fearing assassination, had groomed up to four lookalikes to act as substitutes at public events. One underwent plastic surgery to make his appearance more convincing. Now, the expert claims, the actors are brought on stage whenever required to persuade the masses that Kim is alive.
Plastic surgery to look more like Kim Jong-Il? Wow, I hope the pay and benefits package are out of this world. Personally, I wouldn’t do it for anything less than lobster dinners every night and seven comely lasses of virtue true.
One of its principal claims is that a voiceprint analysis of Kim’s speech at a 2004 meeting with Junichiro Koizumi, then the Japanese prime minister, did not match an authenticated earlier recording.
Yeah, apparently the original recording has Kim saying, “flied lice.” The new recording has Kim saying, “fried rice.” Definitely something fishy there.
His book traces Kim’s supposed demise to autumn 2003 when he vanished for about 42 days. Most analysts put this down to mourning for one of his wives, a power struggle inside the Kim dynasty or fear of an American strike. (H/T – Times Online)
Mourning for one of his wives? Anyone who has more than one wife should be in constant, non-stop mourning! Kim should have been celebrating with a week-long Saki bender!
If this story is true, then who played Jong-Il in 2004′s Team America: World Police? And, along those lines, what happened to the royalties Kim received for his performance? I demand an investigation at once!
Does anyone have the number to the Screen Actor’s Guild?
Topics: Politics | 12 Comments »
September 8th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
It’s true, him and Elvis are having lunch in Atlantis. lol
September 8th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
This may shed some light on it.
http://sullytheurbanhillbilly.blogspot.com/2008/09/team-watchmen.html
September 8th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
What we didn’t hear is that his hair is being held hostage in a hermetically-sealed vault.
BZ
September 8th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
It arr Hans Brix’s faurt.
September 8th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
DL474 – Well, all of that underwater dining would help shrink The King’s waistline.
Sully – “You’re busting my balls, Hans Bwix!”
BZ – Then someone should tell Joe Biden his new toupee is ready!
Trek – It’s his fault that Kim is so ronery.
September 8th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
I remember hearing within the past year or two that Kim Jong-Il wasn’t in control and that his government was who had the power. Might be linked.
Seriously, though, plastic surgery to look more like the guy? Scary.
September 8th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
It’s twoo, it’s twoo…
September 8th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Perhaps not applicable in the current situation, but has anyone read Heinlein’s “Double Star?”
Duane
September 8th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
I’ve read almost all Heinlein… SOB… missed that one!!
Duane… How does it apply?
“Stranger in a Strange Land” was the best… “Job, A Comedy of Justice” was also great…
I may need to read it…
September 9th, 2008 at 12:07 am
Here is the wikipedia entry http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_Star
Basically a down and out actor is hired to do an impersonation. Turns out he is impersonating a major politician who is up for election and who later exits the novel leaving the impersonator in an interesting position
September 9th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
“Moon Over Parador” anyone?
September 9th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
OMG!!
I so think the crazy old man would have a few body doubles hanging around ready to take a bullet for him.
As far as the ‘Double Star’ book goes this is my first time hearing about it, but I will definitely be heading to my neighborhood B&N to pick up a copy. Sounds like an interesting read.